Crying Piano
by The Golden Ostrich
Summary: Dorothy reflects on her existence as an android...short, not my best, but I'm on a Big O kick. Please R&R!
1. R Dorothy

Crying Piano  
  
The Golden Ostrich  
  
***  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Big O or any of the characters mentioned here within, but I'm kidnapping them for this story  
  
***  
  
Roger has opted to sleep in again, causing me to feel obligated in serving as an alarm clock. Machines can switch roles from time to time...  
  
Feel...that must be the wrong word; androids can't feel anything but simple mechanical emotions. Even that isn't really feeling...it's more like sensing. I can sense when I should be happy, when I should be sad, when I should be afraid. They are not real emotions, only a crude imperfect human imitation.  
  
I wonder often why mankind insists on creating these tools...we are incredibly logical, yet I don't understand our existence. To be an android is to suffer...eternally. We have no soul, no heart to speak of, but desire them constantly. Denied the right to truly live, but damned to serve these wretched humans as our masters through the haze of some sort of technological purgatory.  
  
I do not have any animosity towards Roger...he did, after all, take me in after my creator was killed, and has come to my aid many times since. He is a kind man; entirely unsure of himself like I am.  
  
And recently, when I find myself in his presence, a new emotion has been bubbling to my cold metallic surface...  
  
Something I can't describe...  
  
Something I don't believe I was ever programmed to feel...  
  
Something these humans would recognize as love.  
  
This is why I agonize over my existence...I'm certain my mechanical heart has been struck with a dull clunk for this beautiful creature. One who breathes and has warm flesh that I cannot feel. But how? How can I love? I'm naught but a simple android, a doll for humans to command.   
  
I ask Roger about love a lot...probably more than is safe without raising suspicions, but of course he knows it's not possible for me to love. He would never love an assemblage of metal and wires like myself anyway; it is pointless for me to ask. But I find myself wanting to know.  
  
Wanting...isn't that too an emotion? It is something androids are not designed to feel, that is for certain. I am programmed to be content with my circumstances. Yet, I yearn for nothing more than explanations. Roger seeks answers to his questions and I do as well...doesn't that make me more human than machine?  
  
Or am I looking too deeply? Was I actually programmed this way?  
  
No, I don't believe so. Humans are not clever enough to create true artificial souls.  
  
Just the fact that I ask myself these things brings more questions to my mind...why am I so curious? Machines are not supposed to wonder, only serve. My purpose, of course, was different than most android's. I was built to bring a girl back from the dead, so is it possible that the late Professor Wayneright made me more human than android? I cannot help but hope...  
  
Hope...  
  
I sit at the piano and pause...hope? What can that mean? My fingers begin to move over the keys, mechanical fingers, joints of steel and circuitry. That is all I am; a metallic conglomerate doomed to suffer...  
  
Suffer? Androids can't suffer. I must keep telling myself this.  
  
I am not human. I cannot feel. I am not made of flesh; there is no blood running through my wires. I cannot even claim to have a brain; all that keeps me in this state are the memories buried in my headband. I am not real.  
  
My hands clench and I bring my fists crashing down onto the delicate keys. They shatter at the impact; bits of black and white porcelain flying through the air. Anger...please, no more feelings. Just let me be what I'm meant to be.   
  
The door flies open, not in exasperation as is the norm, but in concern. Roger is standing there, black hair disheveled and a look of pure confusion on his face. I feel something trickling down my face; I must have some sort of fake tear ducts in my eyes. This only upsets me further; why are they doing this to me? My hands stray towards the headband...this is where the misery lies.  
  
"Dorothy!" Roger is beside me in an instant, pulling against my strong wrists. His sympathy causes more tears to spill and I actually feel my limbs weakening in bewilderment. I am in such a daze...  
  
He releases me gently, brushing away the tears. "How can you cry?" he asks.  
  
"I don't know," I answer truthfully. I was unaware of this capability.  
  
He reaches out to put his arms around me but I back away. "I can't feel you; there is no point." He surrounds my cold body anyway.  
  
"There's a point for me...you don't believe in pointlessness anyway."  
  
I ponder this for a moment. He's right...and if it will make then man I want to love happier, then it should be allowed. I ruined his piano at any rate...  
  
***  
  
Author's Note: was it any good? I was bored during geometry and started this; figred it should be finished. I've been trying to come up with a decent Big O plot for ages...I promise the next one will be better. Someone as gorgeous as Roger Smith deserves a damn good fanfic. *grin* 


	2. Roger Smith

Crying Piano~Part II  
  
The Golden Ostrich  
  
***  
  
Author's Note: I wasn't planning on extending this, but eh...what the hell...  
  
***  
  
Dorothy has left to go perch on the edge of the roof again and gaze out at the dome tops. I myself have taken a seat at the shattered piano. How could an emotionless being have caused so much damage?  
  
An how in the hell could an android shed tears?  
  
She said she didn't know, so that leads me to believe that she simply has hidden functions to make her more humanlike. But as a machine, she should be aware of everything that she is...it's too human to not understand what you are.  
  
My fingers trail over the cracked remains of the piano keys. What's tormenting her so that she could destory this? She's programmed to enjoy music, not mangle it. What could Professor Wayneright have put into her memories to frustrate her to the point of this needless violence?  
  
I can feel the anger rising in my blood and I wonder why I care so much. She's only a machine; she has no heart or soul.  
  
Dammit, that's not right either! She was formed in the essence of a once-living girl...is it possible that she could have taken on her spirit?  
  
Is is possible that I actually...love this android?  
  
I said they were perposterous insinuations when Angel suggested this, but now I'm beginning to doubt my overly-defensice tone. The thought of loving Dorothy is sounding less and less far-fetched lately. And if she's feeling all of these emotions...is it such an impossible theory?  
  
Who's really to say that androids can't love? We don't know what makes humans able to love, so how can we be so sure that androids are lacking in this ability? They are 'living' in a sense; they certainly do exist. They have capabilities of thinking and reasoning...so why can't they love? The more I think about it, the more illogical it seems to simply assume they cannot.  
  
And it would certainly justify my own affections that I've been continuely denying.  
  
Or am I trying too hard to justify something so utterly unaccepted by society now or forty years ago?  
  
Not that society can really be considered the supreme being when it comes to judgement. Perhaps it's time to withdraw from the arms of majority and learn to accept the previously unacceptable. We are now unhindered by memories...why not start anew?  
  
No...we are not completely unhindered from memories. There is still the obsessive search to learn of their demise and to recover the shattered fragments that remain. Even androids such as Dorothy are hampered by them, or by the lack thereof. Memories are inevasible...  
  
Dorothy walks back in, face now devoid of tears and manner recomposed.  
  
"I am sorry about the piano, Roger."  
  
"Eh, don't worry about it. I'll be able to sleep in now."  
  
"Norman says he can repair it."  
  
I roll my eyes and throw my hands up in the air. "I give up. You people just don't want me to sleep."  
  
"We enjoy your company, Roger Smith."  
  
***  
  
Author's Note: if there are any misspellings, I apologize...I'm working on a computer not yet an hour old and Word isn't installed, so I'm going by my instincts. I'll upload an edited version once everything is running properly, but I'm an impatient type and want this online NOW. Please review; feedback is greatly appreciated! *grin* 


	3. Angel

Crying Piano~Part 3  
  
The Golden Ostrich  
  
***  
  
Author's Note: told from Angel's POV...  
  
***  
  
He wouldn't kiss me...I don't really mind, although it's certainly a first...I just don't understand why. Well no, I think I do, and that's what's bothering...my suspicions are setting off alarm bells in my head.  
  
  
  
R. Dorothy...I called her a foul-tempered android because I was angry and needed to keep my composurer as best as possible in light of the situation. I hardly think her to be foul-tempered because an emotionless being can't be foul or have a temper. But Roger seems to think otherwise...he thinks she does have emotions...  
  
  
  
At least that's the conclusion I've come to. There can be no other reason.  
  
Alan said that there was no one Roger cared for more...how can he have the audacity to love a machine? What's wrong with simple humans? Are we not good enough, not perfect enough for the high and mighty negotiator?  
  
No...I'm speaking in anger and haste again. I forget that Dorothy is a human in mechanical form...is that the catch? Is that what makes these unorthodox affections acceptable in his beautiful eyes? I've looked into those eyes and I just can't belief that Dorothy would ever be able to see the torn man that lies behind them.  
  
I don't honestly have any hostilities against her...she can't help what she is and what she allegedly isn't. But it's not natural for a human to love an android, and because I need to stay concealed in society, what choice do I have but to treat her coldly?  
  
Yet...then it is also required that I treat Roger in the same manner...Angel, do you have the heart to do that? I know I should; he's forsaken me and I have no reason to harbor affections for him any longer. The only thing holding us together still is our battle against Paradigm and Rosewater...  
  
Is that enough? Can I forgive a man who's thrown me to the wind for the sake of a steel imitation?  
  
We crossed paths the other day and he told me that she destroyed the keyboard of his piano...I asked why and he said she was frustrated. One of them must be insane; an android can't be frustrated anymore than I can grow wings. I asked him what he meant by this and he said neither of them knew.  
  
Either Roger is making her human in his own little mind or there's more than wires and metal to Dorothy. I have no way of knowing which it is, but I don't much like for either scenario.  
  
What the hell is wrong with you, Angel? Why do you care so much? I really need to focus on my Union duties and block their affairs out.  
  
But I do care and I can't block them out and I don't think I want to. It's so much easier to absorb yourself in the problems of others, rather than your own...  
  
Yet this is my problem too, if I intend to keep loving a man who loves an android. And I'm not sure if I do...  
  
This angel needs to alight back to the heavens.  
  
***  
  
Author's Note: okay, that's the last of these! The plot is getting a little old, but I think Angel has an interesting POV. I'm running out of characters anyway...please review! 


End file.
